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New song idea!

Posted by lil on February 17, 2012 at 4:15 PM

Hy y'all! Tis me! So, I got a new song idea whilst getting some apple juice out of the fridge;

 


And then she said aloud

Though there was no-one there to hear

"Where should we go from here?"

She was drowning in her tears


What dya reckon? Improvements very welcome!!!


xxxx

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8 Comments

Reply DarkRain /:-Dx
7:01 AM on February 18, 2012 
my version

And then she said aloud

Though there was no-one there to hear

"Where should we go from here?"

She was drowning in her apple juice
Reply lil
7:01 AM on February 18, 2012 
It doesn't rhyme koo
Reply Twilight Phoenix
5:53 AM on March 3, 2012 
thats cool lilz! x
Reply lil
7:39 AM on March 3, 2012 
Twilight Phoenix says...
thats cool lilz! x


why thank you beckz XD
Reply lil
7:43 AM on March 3, 2012 
DarkRain /:-Dx says...
my version

And then she said aloud

Though there was no-one there to hear

"Where should we go from here?"

She was drowning in her apple juice


And I seriously only just realised why you put that. Like I only realised like 10 seconds ago!!!
Reply lil
7:44 AM on March 3, 2012 
Black Rose says...
And I seriously only just realised why you put that. Like I only realised like 10 seconds ago!!!


Like like likety like like XD
Reply DarkRain /:-Dx
4:41 AM on March 4, 2012 
does it have to rhyme?

also its not very realistic cos you would probably die of water shortage in your body before you drowned
Reply lil
9:44 AM on March 4, 2012 
DarkRain /:-Dx says...
does it have to rhyme?

also its not very realistic cos you would probably die of water shortage in your body before you drowned


forever the one to point out the little details, koo ;)
in reply to the rhyming comment, it doesn't have to rhyme, but it's all about syllable count. each line should follow a pattern, like that little bit i wrote before was 6,8,6,7. Which is a common pattern in songwriting. A lot of songs go by the rhyme pattern i have put an example of below (i have just put the last word in each line):
1st line: Horse
2nd line: There
3rd line: Corse (rhymes with horse)
4th line: Mare (rhymes with there)

But I prefer to go with;

1st line: Aloud (2 syllable word - I love those as the last word in the first line)
2nd line: Here
3rd line: Hear (same sound but not same word)
4th line: Tear/s (rhymes with here and hear)

Which of course is the pattern I used in that.

I also like:

1st line: Sometimes (again, 2 syllable)
2nd line: Light
3rd line: Might (rhymes with light)
4th line: Apart (another 2 syllable, totally unrhyming to other words in the verse)

I'm sorry that was so long but I could go on about songwriting forever ;)

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